Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
