gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
