I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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