U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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