Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
