He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
