would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
