We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
