Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Still dying that you shit outside
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
