Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
