If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
false alarm. still invincible.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
