i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
