We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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