I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
