What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
May the power of my ass compel you!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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