my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
