I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just had sex bonerless
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
