I wish I could teleport
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can't put those talents on a resume
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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