Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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