i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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