i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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