I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
