Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
