i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
