I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
