The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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