Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
