ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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