How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
