oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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