I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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