i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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