I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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