You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
