she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
