Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
