There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
