So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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