how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
