we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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