sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
