Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
