It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it's like heaven, but drunker
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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