with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
