New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just forgot I was standing up.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
