That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
