He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
