I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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