And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
