Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Randomize
